I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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