Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
