Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
