im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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