apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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