Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
as a side note pls kill me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
