there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
