so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
