guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
