There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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