I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Houston, we have a blender
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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