he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
