I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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