all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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