you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a search helicopter?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
