East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
