just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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