Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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