dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
