apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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