Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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