booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
