well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
