I am puke
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
