I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
