why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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