It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My ass is underappreciated
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
