She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
