So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
