yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
