I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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