Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my sisters under your porch take her home
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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