On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
