Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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