you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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