i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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