I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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