well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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