I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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