She's JV to your varsity
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
