i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
