recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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