I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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