I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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