I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
