Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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