I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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