I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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