Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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