I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
