Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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