Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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