I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
