You made me cry and you don't even care
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
