He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
