the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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