how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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