Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my sisters under your porch take her home
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize