the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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