im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
BRING THE BAGELS
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
