I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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