I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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