I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My liver just broke up with me...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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