his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
