Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He better not be in your backpack
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
